Will I ever be free??

When I take up an issue of social importance,and try and pen down my views,i am left utterly confused,to say the least.The issues are far too many and at first glance seems too varied to cover with the limited knowledge of the world that i have.

But look at any problem we have,from national to local level,be it acute poverty,dismal health care and education system,to poor sanitation…u get the idea,right.The biggest mystery then:What forms the core of all these myriad and seemingly never ending problems that we face?

Is our political class responsible, which lacks the vision n the will to implement the innumerable welfare projects,but do have cunningness to siphone off the money being poured down in the schemes.This they do with so much impunity,that one wonders whether the Constitution of India(CoI) which was thought out by the then politicians-cum-freedom fighters,was written to hand over the power to “rule”(rather than serve) from the British to a class of people that is willing to make personal gains by any means possible,the kind that is the majority in our country;that the  makers of the CoI had the misconception that their countrymen were indeed ready to work for collective good,the process of which the government is only the reflection of the collective consciousness,and thus effectively the tool by which the citizens can implement their betterment in an inclusive manner.But the 60 odd years of our so called independence proves otherwise.

We were indeed not ready.We blame our political class,but that is not that is not the complete truth.We all need to ask ourselves what we do in our daily life apart from amassing means for our personal lives,what we do for the society.Yes,it is possible to justify  most of our actions on the grounds that we need to fend for ourselves.But what is certainly not justified is our complacency,the blind eye and the deaf ear that we put on display.”All that is necessary for the triumph of evil is that good men do nothing”.We learn to put our moral n social responsibility on the backburner very early in our lives,and this attitude has lead to the decay of the feeling of national belongingness,that which was at its zenith when we were led by Mahatma Gandhi.

The question remains ,what do we do now?Where should we direct  our intellect,anger,dissatisfaction towards?

rOaDrAsh-3 contd…

And I  felt like I was in a dream,thinking things about the surgery that was to happen;only thing different was that i was all alone in the dream,no one else in sight,no one to talk to,as in usual dreams.This i think soon made me realise that something was amiss,and i wanted to get up,but i cud not ,as if my consciousness had no body to creep back in.I was so confused as to what was happening,i remember my thoughts running wild,unable to grasp wat was going on.

Suddenly i heard someone talking ,and i saw myself in an unfamiliar room that was spinning like hell,and i took that too as a part of the dream i was floating in then.And i fell back to the nothingness i was living in since i was drugged.But that set of  unfamiliar voices,spinning room,a running fan all kept flashing again n again ,and as the drug slightly wore off,I wondered that may be that unfamiliar setting is the reality where i would find myself back.I felt a slight discomfort at my right shoulder,and that i presume gave the setting some credibility..I tried to open my eyes ,but things were spinning so fast,my eyes closed shut on itself very quick.I heard my family talking all around me,and i realised that i had been operated upon by that point.The time was 12 noon.

For some time I kept talking with hand movement,and speaking meekly to ears held out close to my mouth,unable to keep my eyes open.I slept twice and finally at 8pm,the drug completely wore off,and i started to get the hang of things around me.At around 10pm,I was back at my “home sweet home”.

As they say ,the experience was “nothing like anything”.

rOaDrAsH-3

Went to the clinic at 6 am.No one was to be found there,not even the attendents,who arrived no sooner than 7,with the even-if-you-die-i-am-not-responsible document to shrug the doctor off of any ungodly outcome that may befall the operation, got it signed by my dad,and 2 witnesses.

 

Then I was “ushered” in the operation theatre at abt 7.05 and made to lie down on a bed that was hardly wide enough to accomodate even an average person:

As it was the first time for me in an O.T,i was anxiously n curiously noting the proceedings like how B.P.,pulse,etc are monitored with the engineered medical tools. Was administered anaesthesia at 7.50 ,and i started to grasp the idea of earth’s rotation at its inclined axis pretty quickly.i thot i wud now sink into oblivion any minute.But that was not to betide,and thus followed another dose ,that made me lose myself so quick i dont remember a moment past the point.

opps!battery is running low on the laptop,will have to complete this on later…

rOAdraSH-2

hav been bedded for over 20 days now.situation has changed from “painful n hopeless”  to somewhat less painful but nonetheless hopeless.

dont know how that curve crept in the x ray for 9 june,when subsequent xray on 18th revealed nothing of that sort(only lateral non-alignment).Doctors said that it was not subject to interpretations by a layman like me.But that how could I not draw conclusions that something had gone terribly messy inside me

On the the top of that,I had(read have) to listen and entertain myriad views from my wellwishers on how should i progress with the treatment :whether i shud leave it to heal all by itself (that it does in 9 out of of 10 cases) or go ahead with the operation and get a plate fixed to hold the ends together.

Confusion!

Confusion!

Confusion!.

Even the doctors  seem to hav varying opinions on the course of action,one even trying to frighten me to death on complications(tho rare) involved in surgery.And another saying that union may or may not happen ,and that made me decide:am going under the knife,tomorrow morning at 6.Am still not very sure if it is the right thing for me. Am hoping that all goes well and i cud get back blogging with both my hands on the keys soon.

We will wait an see then.

rOAd rAsh

hav often heard that u dont remember a traumatic experience (like a severe road accident,relating to mine) in all its fullness after it has gone past.
I too do not.Was wondering y? may be its all for good,that one need not bother oneself with the cause ,but be prepared to deal with the consequences.
And then i also wonder,what could i have done,to miss that mishap,to absent myself from this fate,the physical ordeal that is to continue for like a month more.


As we say,bala tali,grah tha,to make ourselselves content with whatever ill-fate has befallen us,it makes me wonder.