Will I ever be free??

When I take up an issue of social importance,and try and pen down my views,i am left utterly confused,to say the least.The issues are far too many and at first glance seems too varied to cover with the limited knowledge of the world that i have.

But look at any problem we have,from national to local level,be it acute poverty,dismal health care and education system,to poor sanitation…u get the idea,right.The biggest mystery then:What forms the core of all these myriad and seemingly never ending problems that we face?

Is our political class responsible, which lacks the vision n the will to implement the innumerable welfare projects,but do have cunningness to siphone off the money being poured down in the schemes.This they do with so much impunity,that one wonders whether the Constitution of India(CoI) which was thought out by the then politicians-cum-freedom fighters,was written to hand over the power to “rule”(rather than serve) from the British to a class of people that is willing to make personal gains by any means possible,the kind that is the majority in our country;that the  makers of the CoI had the misconception that their countrymen were indeed ready to work for collective good,the process of which the government is only the reflection of the collective consciousness,and thus effectively the tool by which the citizens can implement their betterment in an inclusive manner.But the 60 odd years of our so called independence proves otherwise.

We were indeed not ready.We blame our political class,but that is not that is not the complete truth.We all need to ask ourselves what we do in our daily life apart from amassing means for our personal lives,what we do for the society.Yes,it is possible to justify  most of our actions on the grounds that we need to fend for ourselves.But what is certainly not justified is our complacency,the blind eye and the deaf ear that we put on display.”All that is necessary for the triumph of evil is that good men do nothing”.We learn to put our moral n social responsibility on the backburner very early in our lives,and this attitude has lead to the decay of the feeling of national belongingness,that which was at its zenith when we were led by Mahatma Gandhi.

The question remains ,what do we do now?Where should we direct  our intellect,anger,dissatisfaction towards?

rOaDrAsh-3 contd…

And I  felt like I was in a dream,thinking things about the surgery that was to happen;only thing different was that i was all alone in the dream,no one else in sight,no one to talk to,as in usual dreams.This i think soon made me realise that something was amiss,and i wanted to get up,but i cud not ,as if my consciousness had no body to creep back in.I was so confused as to what was happening,i remember my thoughts running wild,unable to grasp wat was going on.

Suddenly i heard someone talking ,and i saw myself in an unfamiliar room that was spinning like hell,and i took that too as a part of the dream i was floating in then.And i fell back to the nothingness i was living in since i was drugged.But that set of  unfamiliar voices,spinning room,a running fan all kept flashing again n again ,and as the drug slightly wore off,I wondered that may be that unfamiliar setting is the reality where i would find myself back.I felt a slight discomfort at my right shoulder,and that i presume gave the setting some credibility..I tried to open my eyes ,but things were spinning so fast,my eyes closed shut on itself very quick.I heard my family talking all around me,and i realised that i had been operated upon by that point.The time was 12 noon.

For some time I kept talking with hand movement,and speaking meekly to ears held out close to my mouth,unable to keep my eyes open.I slept twice and finally at 8pm,the drug completely wore off,and i started to get the hang of things around me.At around 10pm,I was back at my “home sweet home”.

As they say ,the experience was “nothing like anything”.

rOaDrAsH-3

Went to the clinic at 6 am.No one was to be found there,not even the attendents,who arrived no sooner than 7,with the even-if-you-die-i-am-not-responsible document to shrug the doctor off of any ungodly outcome that may befall the operation, got it signed by my dad,and 2 witnesses.

 

Then I was “ushered” in the operation theatre at abt 7.05 and made to lie down on a bed that was hardly wide enough to accomodate even an average person:

As it was the first time for me in an O.T,i was anxiously n curiously noting the proceedings like how B.P.,pulse,etc are monitored with the engineered medical tools. Was administered anaesthesia at 7.50 ,and i started to grasp the idea of earth’s rotation at its inclined axis pretty quickly.i thot i wud now sink into oblivion any minute.But that was not to betide,and thus followed another dose ,that made me lose myself so quick i dont remember a moment past the point.

opps!battery is running low on the laptop,will have to complete this on later…

rOAdraSH-2

hav been bedded for over 20 days now.situation has changed from “painful n hopeless”  to somewhat less painful but nonetheless hopeless.

dont know how that curve crept in the x ray for 9 june,when subsequent xray on 18th revealed nothing of that sort(only lateral non-alignment).Doctors said that it was not subject to interpretations by a layman like me.But that how could I not draw conclusions that something had gone terribly messy inside me

On the the top of that,I had(read have) to listen and entertain myriad views from my wellwishers on how should i progress with the treatment :whether i shud leave it to heal all by itself (that it does in 9 out of of 10 cases) or go ahead with the operation and get a plate fixed to hold the ends together.

Confusion!

Confusion!

Confusion!.

Even the doctors  seem to hav varying opinions on the course of action,one even trying to frighten me to death on complications(tho rare) involved in surgery.And another saying that union may or may not happen ,and that made me decide:am going under the knife,tomorrow morning at 6.Am still not very sure if it is the right thing for me. Am hoping that all goes well and i cud get back blogging with both my hands on the keys soon.

We will wait an see then.

rOAd rAsh

hav often heard that u dont remember a traumatic experience (like a severe road accident,relating to mine) in all its fullness after it has gone past.
I too do not.Was wondering y? may be its all for good,that one need not bother oneself with the cause ,but be prepared to deal with the consequences.
And then i also wonder,what could i have done,to miss that mishap,to absent myself from this fate,the physical ordeal that is to continue for like a month more.


As we say,bala tali,grah tha,to make ourselselves content with whatever ill-fate has befallen us,it makes me wonder.

X and Y:m I a loner??

X:thr?

Y:yup!!

X:dude?

Y:kya hua be

X:In a week how many times u call home
or they call u?

Y:y do u ask re
on an average once
???

X:and who else do u call?

Y:pahle bata ye kaisa survey hai?

X:It's not a survey
m just checking ki m i the only one who has screwed up his relationships

Y:except for home,
aur kisi ko shayad hi kabhi kabhi,may be once in 1 month or 2 months
y do u ask?

X:because i don call anyone

Y:not even home?

X:sometimes if i m busy I even dont recieve calls.. and baad mai call karna bhool jaata hoon
ghar waale mujhe call kar lete hai once a while
but I dont remember calling them without purpose

Y:abe almost same mera bhi yahi haal hai....and mostly the purpose ..money

X:mere cousins specifically mujhse naraaj hai...uncles and all...they feel as if I ignore them

Y:wat happens to me is that i dont find anything to talk abt

X:And also...
and the big one
I kind of have a girl

Y:he he

X:Let's not get into specifics of who she is

Y:kind of bole to,committed nahin hai kya ?

X:She lives in Delhi with her parents
committed nhi
we r not yet clear...things are messed up

Y:wo ya tum?

X:Both I think
Some engineering college in Haryana
She stays there in hostel

Y:wat..she eats up all ur time or sumthing?

X:nah...i dont let her...
The issue again is phone..

Y:?

X:She loves to make long calls...the ones that last hours..I dont
15 minutes is more than enough for me...

Y:everywer its the same ,they talk 2 long

X:She was in Delhi for the last 15 days..and we didnt meet once
Hardly talked on phone...

Y:n y was that ?

X:Now, when She's gone...I regret it
i dont know...imulsive procastrination..i guess
*impulsive

Y:lol re

X:i always thought ki kal mil loonga..kal
..kal..
par aaj when it was the last day....interview aa gayi

Y:thats sum story....gf ke liye hi waqt nahi

X:room par baith kar bore hota rehta hoon

Y:abe itna doori lagta hai, to use dost ki tarah le na

X:that is what I have planned
and I am now looking for some other chick who is based in Delhi

Y:le tu bhi chaupat ram hai
sale us ladki mein kya kharabi mil gayi tujhe,aisa aksar hota hai be

X:abey koi kahrabi nhi hai...or may be I have not come across
one
but I dont think ki I can keep that going

Y:jaisa tu soche

X:but still....
before her phone calls, I thought i was a good listener...but she made me realise that m not

Y:sale relastionship se listening kar ke tu ladkiyon ko samajh raha tha kya?
i 2 m confused,to tell d truth i mostly call home once a month ,and i m not really sure y is that

X:I have figured out...
I m a loner....
and I cant help it

Y:abey evr1 needs sum space of his own..thats not being a loner

X:maybe I need a bit more

Y:the more confused u r abt things the more space u need,and the more u push people away

X:would a rgime help?
*regime

Y:a routine u say??

X:hmm...
but the problem that I feel with it is...It brings artificiality...u no more remains natural
*remain

Y:abe routine helps but that feeling creeps in again sooner or later...jyada aage ki na soch be ...be urself

X:last semester...I have loads of time at my disposal...

Y:to(then)
?

x:aajkal aise time paas kar raha hoon
trying to figure out what is wrong with me

Y:nothing re...evr1 is different n so r u...dont figure out wats wrong..but rather just figure urself out

03:03 a.m.

Some pieces are to educate the readers of the informations and analysis of the writer on a topic both are concerned with,sum to just share one's views on whatever the writer may feel like and the reader interested therein,sum to bring to light something he may see important but nevertheless neglected(e.g.the way the electronic media handled the Niira Radia tapes issue has left journalism to the internet in a country where internet penetration is in its infancy!),so on and so forth.And sumtimes he(forgive for not going with the non-sexist he/she;makes writing damn complicated!!) may write just to write,just bcuz there on that white space in front he may paint his mind a little.


Give the randomness inside his head some order,try and guess if that has any symphony to it.Many a times,he cant tell ny1 wats eating himself from within,knowing they wudnt get that nyway.

a difFeRent and not-so-despondent take:

iTs alwaYz a plAyzer

One of those matches that keeps u glued to ur screen for the whole time,right upto the very last ball.And to the last ball it went,and seing austrailia go down is "always a pleasure".I dont know y its like that,but i guess the reason is that i have seen them dominate the world cricket for far too long,and a change feels good.
but hats off to Shane Watson!!

Hindustan:Banka Sanskaran-Khel

Need 148 off 107,having three more to walk back to the dressing room.Zaheer Khan swinging the blade like a katana for watever he can manage.This is the Indian team in the 1st ODI of the MTN series in Durban,SA.Synopsis:bouncy fast track and the rest is just simple enuf to paint vivid.But I hav got nothing else to do,so.
Oh!and Raina walks back.

The number one test team has been too inconsistent in ODIs.And this is the way it begins most of the series in the recent past,faltering badly initially,to recover later in the series.
Right from the beginning of the Indian innings,the match was never evenly poised.Sachin and Murli were done in quickly,and the rest of the middle order was exposed to the ruthless pace and bounce of SAn bowlers, especially 6'5" Morkel.Having landed in Alkebulan just four days ago,Rohit Sharma and Yuvi cud not cope.The way they were playing seemed as if they wer protesting that they shud hav been called sooner.
As has been the case for more than a year now,Kohli showed the technique and the temperament of a matured class cricketer;why he does not get a chance in test cricket while Murli Vijay does is beyond me.
Just when Dhoni and Kohli decided to kick up the tempo,Dhoni had to face the most unfortunate dismissal a batsman can have,run out at the non-striker's end,the shot just boucing off the bowler's hand and hitting the stumps.Raina came in and was forced to reveal his fear of short balls,that he survived somehow.But Kohli got out next over trying to loop out a delivery for four,to take advantage of the batting powerplay the team had just taken.And the match was all but finished!!

travel-logue

Left bhagalpur at 7.30 a.m for Banka,half an hour later while we were rolling on at 50kmph or so ,two dogs who were at peace when we were still 10m off them,decided to play "khatron ke khiladi" n leapt in front at once ,giving no time to break.One was thrown to the left ,n one cud not be seen,guessed it went under,but I heard the "kaeh-kaeh" 1 sec later to discover that it dint find any tyres down there.
The car got a dent in the radiator and all the coolant leaked off gradually,which we discoverd later, forcing us to stop 3 times to fill the coolant tank with water that was leaking profusely,and at last the overheated engine gave up.
Hired an auto-rickshaw,got a "tochen" with a thick rope(which broke once),and reached a garage at about 11.


7 p.m. and we were still at the garage,when the mechanic declared that the engine gasket is burned and will need one more damn day.


PS:got a new Kodak at home,awesome night mode!!